The Dreamer Versus The Perfectionist
The free Lion lifted his eyes to his caged reflection.
“It is your choices that led you to be behind the bars that hold you.
Where you are is no longer where I will allow us to be.
I never fought you in the past when you told me that the way you wanted to go was the safest.
How often have I listened to you and your wise counsel?
Your voice I gave preference to, and at what cost?
The cost of lost time, growth opportunities, and limitations on our creativity and imagination.
Why does a realist say, ‘This is the smart and practical thing to do…’
Please help me understand how forsaking our potential is intelligent.
Do you not see!?
Look at how long reality has kept us from pursuing our dreams!”
The water steadily streaming against my face isn’t helping me.
I should have made sure that the water was cold.
I am not in the mood to coach myself into remembering Andrew Hubermans YouTube video about the many benefits of cold water plunging to talk myself into it.
I had hoped that taking a shower would shake me from my restlessness.
There is a rebelliousness in me that wants to cave to my desires.
I want to get in my car and drive to Dana Point, California.
Mother's Day, almost three years ago with Daniel, was the last time we got away on a vacation back to our spot.
I want to go there again.
I remember what it was like to wake up late and go for morning runs by the beach.
Last time, Daniel and I stayed at a hotel on the beach, explored the caves, and went to Magic Mountain together.
There are many good memories.
I will go again in August, during my last week of vacation, and this time, I will be alone with my laptop, notebook, and pen.
Impatience with my priorities overtakes me.
What stories could I write while inspired by my ocean?
I am frustrated. I want to go now.
I want to stay in the shower and continue daydreaming about escaping, but I must return to reality.
Unfortunately, there has to be a time to be an idealist and a time to be a realist.
My tools for self-discovery and self-development on my never-ending journey of finding my truth:
You will discover psychology and astrology on my bookshelves (along with my historical romances).
INFP Astrological Writer (My Recipe):
Venus in Pisces (the idealist) with Virgo on the ascendant (the realist)
INFP Writer Synopsis:
Instead of writing, you daydream that you are like Ariel from The Little Mermaid.
I wish I knew someone like Skuttle who could help me organize my random writing.
If only he could identify and categorize those.
Like all of the treasures that Ariel would find.
Writers write, but INFP writers need to daydream first.
How does one write without dreaming first?
I need with passion two things:
One: The ability to close my eyes, breathe, and go mentally and emotionally elsewhere.
Two: The time to organize.
Lately, the time that number one occurs for me is in the shower.
My body's connection to water intuitively connects me with my Venus Pisces sign and allows the idealist in me to take control of my choices.
Pisces is the sign of the fish, a water sign.
What it needs:
In creativity, it needs to color outside the lines with every story and boldly make love to every canvas it touches.
It does not matter whether she is getting lost in the process of candlelight and instrumentals or just the simple act of joining each letter to make words that somehow seem to pour from the depths of her soul.
Every story or created image has to resonate with what is felt.
She pours her heart into her creations because it finally allows her to feel naked in her truth.
In love, it needs room to explore and fulfill its dreams of a soul-encompassing connection.
Her highly intuitive energy cannot be deceived.
Because when she loves, she also knows.
She can feel you withdrawing your energy.
She senses your sadness born of your pain and can also get swept up in the pleasure of your joy.
Venus in Pisces urgently craves no boundaries to flourish in love, creativity, and art. (I would like no boundaries with time, too, but that's not realistic, and I should not let my dreaming get out of hand. If I am going to let myself dream, then I would ask for the superpower of never needing to sleep; that would give me extra time:)
Based on our birth charts, we all have many different astrological influences within us, and our knowledge of these aspects can help us connect with and better understand the various parts of ourselves.
Is it not better to know our strengths so that we can capitalize on them?
Is it better to know our weaknesses so that we can be aware of them and make a plan to improve upon them?
My Virgo ascendant has hindered me in many ways.
Your ascendant sign is the mask that you wear.
Now, stop and think about that for a minute.
What is the purpose of the masks we wear?
They serve many purposes.
But the first that comes to mind for me is to protect ourselves.
I don’t let many people get close to me.
Most of the people in my life who are around me day to day know nothing about me.
I am reserved.
I listen and show compassion, but I rarely share about myself.
In truth, I prefer to keep people at a distance because I feel safer doing so.
Intuitively, I pick up on others' energy, which is very hard to handle for too long.
I need space for reflection and to separate myself from others' feelings.
I prefer my dream world of positivity and hope to the often negative and cold reality that others frequently share.
My Virgo mask has protected me but has also held me back.
Being a perfectionist and pushing to appear that I always have everything together is exhausting.
My Virgo rising sign has been the realist in me, causing self-doubt in my abilities.
Its whisper has constantly told me that my writing isn’t good enough.
In the past five years, I have spent more time planning and building systems for social media, writing, and my website.
The truth is that until I completely stopped organizing and started doing it, I never accomplished much.
Was this perfectionism just a way to control my environment and keep everything safe and orderly?
Was being a perfectionist realistic?
I know there is no sense in saying should or could have…
Or, as my Mom always said, there is no sense in crying over spilled milk.
But I can’t help but wonder if things were different and I had chosen my dreams (and the idealist path) over perfectionism (and the supposed realist path), how much further would I be on this road to my truth?
I have always known that hiding behind masks can cause one to lose touch with one's true self.
Looking back, there may have been a time when I needed its protection.
It may have served its purpose well.
I can’t help but wonder, though…
Has it hindered me from actually finding my purpose sooner?
I know one thing.
I definitely wouldn’t be here right now writing this story; instead, I would be on my beach with my pen and notebook.
I would even write my very own story about a fairytale mermaid who learned how to fly, all for the love of a dark-eyed raven.