Purpose & Healing: When Two Passions Collide

Part One- Writing:

On my Grandparent's farm in San Luis, Colorado, I don't know what I liked more: my animals, the irrigation ditch I would play in around the fields, or my typewriter.

That’s not true.

My first loves were my horse, Diamond, and my dog, Peddito.

I do remember, though, loving my typewriter.

I was 7 years old when my grandmother bought me that typewriter.

My grandmother at the time was doing her best to give me anything I wanted in the hopes that I would like to stay with her and never return to my Mom.

I didn’t care about anything that money could buy. I wanted my Mom.

I did love my typewriter, but that changed when I learned to write in cursive.

There is something about cursive writing that makes me love to write even more than I already do.

It saddens me that schools are abandoning it.

My Son wouldn't have learned how- had I not made him write that way.

It seems to me that more and more, with technology, our humanity is leaning more towards all logic and less emotion in our world.

I have read about so many benefits of writing in cursive.

More of our senses are being stimulated while writing in cursive.

For me, it is the romantic connection I feel from the moment I touch the paper.

Is that nostalgia?

Probably.

My pen or pencil caresses the paper with each graceful curve and tilt of each letter.

The way every letter touches the other and seems to call to another intuitively and then another in some secret language…to let each new word spill its magic to create poetry or story fills me with a sense of wonder.

Nothing brings back my innocence of mind and heart like writing in cursive.

I will forever believe that cursive writing connects us to our hearts.

Every sentence was an extension of the feelings emanating from my heart down to my fingertips and onto that notebook filled with love, loss, and dreams.

The feelings we release impact each stroke of our pen or pencil.

What happens when you are angry?

Each letter somehow speaks of that anger not only in the meaning of the written words but also by the intensified pressure of the pen or pencil.

And the tears leave evidence behind.

Going through the files of my writings from my childhood, I swear some of the words are blurred or smudged not just from time but from the emotions that were spilled in the solitude of my pain.

Why?

It's what I remember doing in the stillness of my room when I was sad, angry, and even when I was happy.

The paper was my confidant.

In the end, there was never any judgment from my notebook, where I poured out all my secrets.

No one told me that I was being immature about my dreams.

No one told me that I needed to grow up.

How many times was I told I was naive?

It was always in silence away from everyone, like even now that my heart would fall in love with a land where no masks were required of me.

There is a clarity that is somehow found when it seems that every emotion overwhelms and incites confusion.

It is also gratifying to proudly proclaim that all that you feel is important, even when no one may agree with you.

When I write my name at the end, I tell everyone this is me.

This is what I feel; this is what I value, and this is who I am.

Even if no one sees me.

Even if no one understands.

This is me.

Part 2- Running:

Someone messaged me recently and asked me why the working out videos with the writing.

My first reaction to this was defensiveness.

It bothered me that I felt the need to justify why I do what I do.

But then I stepped back from how I felt and tried to be more aware of why the question bothered me.

That is, in part, why I am here today to sort through my feelings and to properly answer the question.

Sometimes, defensiveness and most knee-jerk reactions must be questioned- before we let them negatively affect us or speak out against them before we have had the time to analyze them.

Then I think back on something I read lately about anger being there as our primal reaction to the injustice of others trying to hurt us.

Because of this, we should not always try to morph our anger into something else or tamper it with a gasoline absorbent.

Sometimes, anger protects us by giving us the fuel to find the inner strength to fight against the harm our intuition warns us about.

How many of us have seen red flags with others and downplayed this because we thought we were “blowing things out of proportion”?

Have you ever walked away after someone mistreated you and wondered how you allowed them to continue treating you that way?

Alone and ashamed after they were gone, did you ever wonder what would have happened if you had spoken up for yourself and had at least let them know that the way they treated you would not be tolerated?

Do you think that maybe had you done something about this that maybe just maybe, they would not have continued to be this way with you or even the next person?

When they walked away after you stood up for yourself, can you imagine the empowerment you would have felt knowing that you did not allow yourself to be bullied?

In addition, you may have made the bully question whether or not everyone in the world was the easy prey they thought you were.

Then I think of what Wayne Dyer has said about all of us looking for reasons to be offended.

Wayne Dyer spoke out about the many people who, daily, look for a reason to be offended.

Then I think of what I have heard some say: that we are all too sensitive about everything now and that people need to stop being so sensitive and toughen up.

I have even heard my brothers say that, and we had the same Mom.

The only reason I can account for this is that they were taught different things than me because I was a girl and they were boys.

If memory serves me right, my mom was much more concerned about my safety when I went out than my brothers.

We are all different.

We all have different temperaments.

Two of my brothers are extroverts, but one is, just like me, introverted.

The universe, I swear, gave me an extrovert to teach me patience.

The universe made sure that I was my son's mother, and I used my introverted ways to help him be more aware of his mouth and the impact he could make on others.

As an extrovert, he always says almost whatever comes to mind to nearly everyone.

Since he was young, my son has never feared approaching strangers.

I will never forget the day we were shopping when a customer got angry at me because I allowed my son to speak to him.

Daniel was probably five or six years old.

We stood in line, and Daniel asked the customer why he was buying something in his shopping cart.

The man turned to me and told me I should not allow my son to speak to strangers.

I remember feeling angry at the man, embarrassed, and almost contrite… was I wrong?

Then I was angry again at this man.

Who did he think he was?

I would never presume to tell another person how they should be with their children.

I could see if my Son was using foul language or was running around, possibly affecting the safety of others.

But this was not the case.

Aside from this, I felt defensive for Daniel.

I had always told my Son that he should never talk to strangers unless his Mom were by his side.

But at the same time, I didn’t want him to be as afraid as I was of people at such a young age.

I wanted to protect his innocence and foster an encouraging atmosphere to support his extroverted personality, which I knew him to be.

Truthfully, his trust in everyone always scared me, but I never wanted to take away from my son’s character and give him the outlook that all people should be feared.

I learned at that age to be very afraid of trusting in others.

The point is that when you are young and do not have control over yourself and your well-being, you are expected to feel angry that others have power over you when they hurt you.

As children, we are not always capable of protecting ourselves from harm.

I remember being scared, but then I remembered getting angry as I got older- almost hyper-sensitive to anyone that I had the slightest inclination was out to hurt me.

This is why it is important to question why we are angry.

Anger is not always destructive, but sometimes, we need to question whether it's really what we are feeling or if it is born from underlying fears that we allowed someone to trigger within us.

We must be aware that we choose how we respond to others.

Not everyone is worthy of a change in us lowering our vibration because of their inability to be sensitive to the many different types of personalities in this world.

I have learned many don’t think twice about another person's feelings.

I have learned that I must remember the people who do and not give my energy to those who have not learned ethics and morals.

As an adult, I have learned that sometimes it is better to turn inward and analyze our feelings, even by expressing them on paper, putting them in perspective before we react in a way that does not serve our best interests.

As a child, I learned how to self-soothe.

There were many times I wanted to run away from situations and could not.

But I found that when I ran at school and was told I was the fastest girl in junior high, a strength came with that.

With that strength in my little body came a confidence that I would persevere no matter what.

I may have been small, but I remember that the stronger I became through fitness and running, the more empowered I felt to overcome whatever was happening in my life.

When I was unable to run, I wrote.

When I was unable to write, I ran.

I am passionate about self-development, which is crucial for anyone.

Whether or not you have had bad experiences in your life, every one of us can benefit ourselves and our world through self-development.

I have always believed that to feel truly fulfilled, I must do what I am passionate about.

Running and writing are not just crucial for me in the healing process; my intuition tells me it is also key in leading me to my purpose.

In pain you find your purpose, in your purpose you find your healing.make it feel right for right now. Later will take care of itself. It always does.