The Divide Between Us

I have been looking for signs from somewhere outside of you.

Because of my feelings for you, I am afraid to trust my interpretation of your actions.

I habitually read too much into everything, primarily if it benefits my dream world.

Thankfully, I am painfully aware that this is not always in my best interest.

Unlike other tinted glasses, my rose-colored glasses become more transparent in the light of the day.

The truth is my senses and boundaries regarding you return when I am not tired and haunted by my thoughts of you before sleep finds me.

Still, I have found other signs outside of you for confirmation.

These signs have been there, guiding me to you from the beginning.

I found you again two days ago (like every day), but your page was different.

I took a screenshot because this is not the first time this has happened.

The first time, I thought I must not have seen it correctly.

I told myself then that if this happened again, I would make sure that I took a screenshot.

I still have it on my phone.

I exited your page after taking it and found you again.

Your page was back to looking like it always did.

I looked at my screenshot and got confirmation that I had not lost my mind.

I have a habit of researching anything important to me that I don’t understand.

I read that a genuine twin flame connection will always have otherworldly happenings or mystical moments.

From the first time I saw your picture, I felt this magnetic pull into your eyes.

But then there was something else.

Then, I had this “mystical” moment when I watched the video on your page that you weren’t even in.

That video was not even about you and me.

That was the first time I visited your page, but I felt that that video was waiting for me to find it, and that video was about you and me somehow (in an “otherworldly” way).

It didn’t make sense for me to feel that way, but I had to look more into you because of it.

That's when I saw the other video that you were in.

That's when you looked at me like you knew I was watching you.

I swear you looked away from the camera almost as if you got nervous.

It could be argued that this mysticism is all in my head, but now I have the screenshot as proof.

The universe let me see that as confirmation.

I have never experienced this with anyone.

I had read about the 3D and the 5D concerning twin flames before and never understood what that would be like.

Recently, I have made the time to read more about it.

What I read today after work made me sad and angry.

It said that you and I are not meant to be together and that this kind of connection is not physical but spiritual.

It said this path I am on with you is about finding completion with our souls within ourselves.

I stopped reading after that.

I think about us being good for each other and helping each other grow.

I hope that that is what you want too.

But that’s it?

I have always understood that twin flames sometimes evolve to different places in their lives separately- until they are ready for each other.

That I am okay with.

But to never have you?

To never see you smile or laugh?

Or be the cause of it?

To never hear your voice against my skin?

I don’t want to imagine that there will never be a day that I won’t feel the five o'clock shadow on your face.

There are not enough words to explain how much I want that alone.

From the first day I saw your picture, I thought of this.

This feeling behind that has nothing to do with physical desire for you.

It is beyond that.

I know the only answer is that I have loved you before.

I have looked into your eyes before in another place and another time.

I can’t believe that there is any other explanation.

I know that somehow, as I have imagined so many times before, there will be a day when I will lie with you underneath the stars.

I must hold on to this belief that everything between us will someday be gone.

That your bed will be my bed too.

I am tired of reframing everything in my life to fit like it is supposed to.

I don’t want to reframe anything regarding you.

I refuse to dilute this yearning that I have anymore.

It isn’t a want that I feel right now as I lay in bed imagining waking up to you.

When I close my eyes, I can feel what it would be like to have your heartbeat against my back, to have your hands caress me, and to feel your fingers tease me until you have me begging for you.

What would it be like to lie next to you the following day and touch your face like I have so badly wanted to?

To have you hold me in the safety of your arms, my head against the strength of your chest?

To have everything that separates us disappear.

This is not a want.

You are what I need.

You have known me before.

Beyond this divide between us, I know you somehow remember me as I do you.